Money can’t buy love, but who needs love…

Dating in Lagos is a most fascinating affair.  Unlike Nairobi ladies who look into a future or temporary mates potential, looks, charm, wit (okay, enough about me) here it’s all about the money.

 

The first thing a lady spots are your garments!  These are your advocates of pecuniary comfort and speak volumes.  Now, being a humble Kenyan boy & our passion for second-hand clothes, one can clearly tell how well I fail to impress on this preliminary.  However, those fortunate enough to score mammoth points, above Eddie, get the attention of the lady & are receptive to further analysis of the said wooer. 

 

Fast forwarding to the date, you are expected to pick her..oh, you must have a car!  Another reason I surrender to the ‘Keyan boy no money’ club.  I think they have special ways to deduce who drives & who doesn’t..dusty shoes or faded soles I suspect.  Anyway, you pick her up, in a car that is no older than 2007, otherwise you are a ‘ye-ye’ boy (Eddie in pidgin).  Some blokes go to the extent of hiring a car just to take a girl on a date.  I get to work on an okada (motorbike taxi) so am not eligible.  Once you get to your destination, expensive place without mention, she shall order the most expensive meal…HALT…this is also a propensity held by several Nairobi ladies that I have been on dates with.  The woman cannot even pronounce it but shall order for it, why, because she is playing black jack..the highest number wins, except she is not using cards but the menu.  Back to Lagos, the lady then orders champagne, the bottle.  You see, life in Lagos is ostentatious.  In Nairobi you go to a restaurant and order a glass of wine, here you buy the bottle.  You cheap Kenyans buy beer, we Naija folk purchase bottles of Hennessy, so a lady asking for a bottle of Moet is no wahala (no problem).  When the bill comes, you, the man, are the one to pay it.  Dare you suggest you split the bill, all sorts of abuses shall be hurled at you in a not so modest volume.  You shall then drop her home & wave goodbye..not even a kiss or hug, just a wave. 

 

 Now the beauty about dating in Lagos is daft guys get laid!  You don’t have to be intelligent, charming, piled with etiquette or even philosophical…just flash your money and you are in.  Ladies in Lagos have plenty shakara (inane pride) and the men dance to every beat of it.

 

We poor okada riding Kenyan boys just sit and watch for our wallets cannot afford the luxury of a Lagos lady.

~ by jagedin9ja on November 11, 2008.