Night Crawler


Seems like I am officially the entertainment reporter (don’t tell Eddie)

I have a problem, in Nigeria, people have a tendency to hide during the day, and appear at night like somalis and raise ruckus. This i know coz on saturday, my phone was quiet the whole day, and suddenly at like 11 it started ringing and threatening to explode…the zombies were up, and at my gate, inviting me to a night out, starting at a project fame eviction party (yes, the MTN west africa project fame)

An inner battle started inside me, to go or not to go, that was the question. but I’m from the hizzle, I wasn’t brought up to fear booze, nor darkness. I jumped out of bed and was dressed in like two seconds!!! Don’t judge me, i am not addicted, but why stay in when i can go see Lagos at night??? Where do you think ill get stories for y”all?? JUDGERERS!! or is it judgeists, judges??????? im confused.

Anyhow, circa Saturday 11.02: Out of the gate into the blaring headlights of my friend’s friend’s car. no cold, no breeze, tell Eddie i will be back in a few……..little do i know!!!

2310 hrs: arrive at the venue of the eviction party. Yes it is that near. walk in and the place is set well, ambience great, lighting excellent, and even have a bed on one side!!!!! SODOM!!!! i am shocked but curious…..he he he. Why the bed??? The place is empty.. aiii! is it not 2316 hrs now? Isn’t there a party here? the signs are up, where are the inebriants???? is it only in Kenya where its acceptable to be intoxicated and smelling of nyama choma and kachumbari (roast meat and………..kachumbari for the west africans) by 12 noon??? i feel lost.

2311 hrs : Walk over to the counter, like Lagos big boy….”How much for a Large Heineken” i ask. “Oga sir, e no dey” the barkeep replies. “Wetin?” i retort, not sure im saying the right thing. “e small one dey oga sir”, visibly perplexed barkeep answers. “Why you no dey have large am for am? I wan drink o, and i no have time..abeg how much small one cost oooh?” i say. “One thousand Naira sir” the guy says. “Ah ah!!!” Blow to the nads!!!Emasculated, i retreat saying “i no go drink am, keep am”

2321 hrs: Me and my boy leave the bar leaving the guy with the car…he has a job to do at the venue…. i’m not about to spend that amount of money for a Lil ass bloody heiney! Its not worth it. the guy suggests we go to a bachelor party just a street away. Like ninjas, we smooch the air and jump into the taxi. (ok i know the ninja bit is inappropriate at this juncture but when will i ever use it?” let me be). We start Lagos’ favourite passtime with the driver….Bargaining!!! My guy doesn’t know where the place is, so i, with my big head, proceed to take charge ” Club 007 oga, how much” I ask batting my eyelids..he he he “oga sis hundred (six hundred for the East Africans) the cabbie says. “Tufia mmm!!! abeg e just here o, 200 Naira” i say. “aaaahhhh Oga, taxi no be okada” the driver says. we bargain for a while and settle for 400. he he he. Lagos

2337 hrs: We arrive at the bachelor party, there’s a cameraman videoing the event from outside!!! Who the hell records a bachelor party!!! Already i know I’ve been brought to a late night tea party…Wish i’d brought my scones. We enter the place, and i must admit, the place is done pretty well. Nice decor, large enough space for dancing, but the only thing i didn’t like is the volume!!! too loud!!!!!

2341 hrs: Today i don’t feel like drinking (read if the beer is too expensive i will not drink today), I trudge to the bar. “how much for warm Heineken” i shout. “say?” the barkeep says. Agitated i ask for water. Damn this communication breakdown…..The night threatens to bore me. I throw away the water, grab 1000 from my wallet and shove it into the barkeeps hand “HEINEKEN FOR AM!!!!!!” He hands me one cold one and i sip it….aaahhhhh the night has began


Suddenly, the night looks brighter. Asante heineken, ni wewe tu!

2343 hrs- I don’t quite know: Loud music, smoke, dancing…its shaping out well. Now, guys ive been too observant, trying to get stories for you all, and i don’t know if this is the reason i noticed this. The women here seem to be in it the same in Kenya? the women seem more aggresive dancers, and seem to lead the men. i don’t know man!!!! This is 6 ways of weird. The girls are in full control. HWAAA!! they swing themselves, HAAAA! the men move out the way!!! Strange. Also , no strippers or naught girls at the bachelors party…BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

6 Heineken later (who cares what time it is?): Woozy, tipsy? My boy and i decide to go back to the eviction party. we go out, and jump into yet another cab. about 50 meters into the cab ride, we get to a roadblock.. A light shines into the cab and i hear a rude voice say “on your inner light“. I burst out laughing… By now, dear reader, you should know that means the cop want the driver to switch on the cab’s inner light. This pidgin!!!

anyhow, we make it well into the other party which is jamming like hell. A couple of Kenyans are in this party…refreshing. party till late, oblivious of the fact that my pal was flying out next day at 9. He he he…im not worried, it ain’t me who’ll fly with a doozy of a hangover!!!!!

Anyway, the night comes to a brill end, i go back to bed, hoping he will make it to the airport on time. Goodnight Lagos, i have enjoyed thee well this evening!!!

More on the weekend coming soon…


~ by jagedin9ja on November 24, 2008.

2 Responses to “Night Crawler”

  1. Ati inner light?! LOL! Pidging sure is something else

    ur blog is too hilarious, just started reading it today. na una make me wan shayo now!!! i never go to d club now,,, take am easy!!!
    wetin dey sha

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