The Lingo

When we first came to Lagos for the Apprentice Africa show, we were each assigned a chaperone. 

It was bloody annoying as this person had to walk, eat and even sleep in the same room as you for the duration we were in the hotel..this was to stop us relating with one another before the show. Apparently isolating us until we moved to the mansion was meant to spark off competitive levels.

But the twits put us all in the same hotel, had us eating breakfast at the same restaurant and made it so obvious to deduce who a competitor was: simply spot those walking in pairs. 


Anyway, I was assigned one of the most annoying chaperon.  I tried to have him replaced 15 times of the the 7 days we stayed together.  The rules stated that if you separate from your chaperone you shall be eliminated, so I had to stick with that bloke whether I liked it or not and pray for the competition to start. 

During our cordial stay, psssssst, I learnt that the Nigerian lingo is indeed a fascinating one.


The phone would ring, with the loudest most irritating ringtone and he would always ask the person where they are.


Titititi titiii titititititi tititititiiiiiiii…’How far?….’  The conversation always begun.



At night, Titititi titiii titititititi tititititiiiiiiii…’How far?…’


This went on and I kept wondering why he was constantly asking the location of the caller.  It’s like back home when you call someone and the first thing they ask you is ‘Where are you?’  Does it matter where I am, listen to what I have to bloody say.


On one occasion, we were expecting a friend of his, to break the monotony of silence we shared around each other, and they were late.  So the apparent friend called, and the usual ‘Titititi titiii titititititi tititititiiiiiiii…’How far?…’


After he put down the phone I asked him in a most irritated manner ‘Why do you keep asking how far he is?   Ask him what time he is getting here!’


Mhhh, wasn’t I surprised…apparently how far is a salutation, only its ‘howfar’… 


So the man was greeting his callers all that time, abeg abeg.


The other day as I am walking to the office the security guard salutes and says ‘Well done sir!’


The first logical thing is to recall any magnificent thing you recently achieved, so I say ‘Thank you’ and add a spring to my step.


Walking into the lift a colleague looks at me and says ‘Well done.’


It must be a promotion abi. 

By the time am walking into my office my chest is raised 4 inches high and am walking like Neil Armstrong on his first voyage as echoes of ‘Well done’ are bouncing off the walls. 

It must be a promotion.


So I sit at my desk and ask a colleague, ‘Why is everybody telling me well done, what did I do?’


Yep, you guessed it…it’s a bloody greeting!


How does ‘well done’ equate to ‘hi’, ‘what’s up’..okay the latter paves way to salutation license so let me just leave it there.


Anyway, these days I seek connotations in every word that is uttered.  A hot lady I met in a club walked over to me the other night  and said ‘Oga, take me home now’, I looked at her and replied ‘And a nice evening to you too and walked away!’


Am settling into the whole lingo thing rather well I must say.




~ by jagedin9ja on November 21, 2008.

2 Responses to “The Lingo”

  1. very funny

  2. Titititi titiii titititititi tititititiiiiiiii what next now then?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: