Quantum of Nonsense – The movie

It’s not good to repeat oneself over and over, but the pepper in the food is a bit too much. I’m suffering!!!Did I leave home so suffer???

Anyhow, it’s another HOT morning down here in the wonderful land of Lagos, where things happen BY FORCE.

i was on my way to the office, so as usual i stopped an okada rider……maybe I’m going too fast. Let me teach you guys the lingua, and culture.

Ok, the best way to get around Lagos, if you don’t already know, is on a motorbike, which these guys call Okada. Here’s the funny bit. To call an okada, you have to make a kissing sound at them, and they stop. I know all of you are wondering what I mean, but you know, pucker up, and kiss the air…that’s it…good. Now back to my story

I was on my way to the office, so all dressed up, I stood on the street looked around and made one loud smooch sound, as would make Okonkwo jealous!! Two okada boys screeched to a halt, and I obviously went with the one who offered me a cheaper ride. Ok these guys ride like maniacs. The matatu drivers in Kenya have nothing on these idiots. So the ride is always exhilarating.

This morning I have to confess that cheap is expensive. As you know, I chose to ride the cheaper one, but little did I know that the rider idiot was a bit high! The guy was switching lanes and cutting traffic, you’d think he’s Valentino fucking Rossi. We now got to a junction and this is where the movie began. Quantum of Nonsense!!! Did I tell you how foolish these guys are? My rider wanted to join the road, but other riders didn’t want him to pass, so AGIDI rules….AGIDI is thorax thumping, till one backs down. My guy, the idiot, decided to join the road, without thought or consideration, while another from the main road decided he wouldn’t allow it….WHAM!

My first okada accident. The guys now got off the bike and started shouting at each other, me and the other passenger, left to balance the bike. The two guys must have been from the same tribe because there was a lot of native language being tossed about. I heard “eee yee”, “waka” (which means “your mother”), “olodo” (“idiot” or “big fool”) and many other statements. The one thing I noticed is that the more heated the argument became, the farther the two of them got…he he he….Vitisho! I heard one threat that made me happy – “I go scatter bottles kill you finish” What??

Imagine I had to stand there and listen to this endless exchange of threats and counter threats for six odd minutes…imagine how funny it looked to the guys driving by in cars…a man, in a suit, with a laptop, legs spread-eagled, fighting to hold a bike upright. I’m ashamed!!!

After threats and counter-threats, my guy came a muttered a “sorry sir” and proceeded to take me to the office, where he demanded 10 naira extra for the delay! @#** who delayed who???

Maybe I need to get a car, but with what money?

Life in 9ja.


~ by jagedin9ja on November 12, 2008.

3 Responses to “Quantum of Nonsense – The movie”

  1. Hehehe. . . Funny story this one.

    Ati a kissing sound. Lol. I should try that with our bodaboda guys! And the guy demanded for more cash? Because?! Walalala. Did you pay ama you unleashed your Kenyanness on him?

    All in all atleast you got to the office in one piece. Lol.

  2. LMAO eshee thats to much-o now

  3. You are chairman of Okada Motorists Union!

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